What is Gaslighting? | Kati Morton on mental health

  • katma 15 May 2017
  • Gaslighting is often used by sociopaths or narcissists for emotional manipulation. They will use them in different ways and for different reasons, but these are the people who manipulate the most.
    Gaslighting is a term that comes from an old movie where a guy manipulates a woman so that he can get her jewels. What gaslighting really is, is emotional abuse. When someone is being gaslighted, they will be told that their memory of things, or what they felt in a certain situation is wrong. The whole goal of this type of abuse is to get a person to question their perception, memory, or even their sanity.
    Signs that you are being gaslit:
    1. You always second guess yourself
    2. You find yourself excusing the abusive behavior
    3. You lack confidence and second guess yourself constantly
    4. You struggle to make decisions on your own
    5. You often feel like you can't do anything right.
    I know many of these may sound the same, and you are right. If someone is telling us that what we thought happened, didn't happen. Or that the abuse we swear we sustained wasn't really that bad, we will begin to not trust our own mind or memory. This can make us feel bad about who we are and erode our confidence.
    Luckily there are things we can do to get out of these relationships!
    1. Seek outside support. I would prefer it be both friends and a professional. The reason for this is because we will need someone who can help us heal from the abuse while we will need a friend or family member to help us when we question how things happened. Having both on board is best!
    2. Start using feeling charts. I know this may be annoying, but in order to begin acknowledging how we feel and accepting it, we will need to check in with ourselves each day and notice how we feel.
    3. Work on self talk! You know this is my favorite thing, but it can truly change your life. Work to talk positively to yourself by saying 5 nice things at the end of each day.
    4. Set boundaries! Say no! Here are some videos to help with that: trclips.com/video/KhW4g9urdXQ/video.html trclips.com/video/vAcWIRuoZRc/video.html
    5. Mindfulness! Take time each day to pull your focus in and notice how you are feeling, what may be upsetting you and find ways to start verbalizing it. We have to build up the trust between us and our mind again. This is a great way to start.
    Please share this video! So many of you have requested this topic, and that means that many others are suffering in silence. You never know who may need to hear this! xoxo
    Narcissistic Personality Disorder: trclips.com/video/vjaeBMseW3o/video.html
    Anti-Social Personality Disorder: trclips.com/video/VSdyktUjZSI/video.html
    ****PLEASE READ****
    If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, please call a local emergency telephone number or go immediately to the nearest emergency room.
    BIG THANK YOU to my Patreon Patrons! Without you, I couldn't keep creating videos. xoxo www.patreon.com/katimorton
    I'm Kati Morton, a licensed therapist making Mental Health videos - Depression, Eating Disorders, Anxiety, Self-Harm and more! Mental health shouldn't have a stigma attached to it. You're worth the fight!
    New Videos every Monday and Thursday!
    Visit www.katimorton.com for community support!
    MERCH! store.dftba.com/collections/kati-morton
    PATREON www.patreon.com/katimorton
    TWITTER twitter.com/katimorton
    FACEBOOK facebook.com/katimorton1
    TUMBLR www.katimorton.tumblr.com
    PINTEREST www.pinterest.com/katimorton1
    Subscribe! bit.ly/2j2frsv
    Business email: linnea@toneymedia.com
    PO Box
    1223 Wilshire Blvd. #665
    Santa Monica, CA 90403
    Subtitle videos if you know English or any other languages! You can help people who are either hearing impaired or non native English speaking. By doing this, you are helping others and strengthening our community.
    Easy to follow at home workbooks for your mental health....
    Self-Harm workbook
    Eating Disorder workbook
    LGTBQ workbook


  • Kati Morton
    Kati Morton  Yıl önce +175

    Has this happened to you? Share your story in the comments.

    • Margreet Groothedde
      Margreet Groothedde 13 saatler önce

      Thank you for this video. Made so much clear to me. I feel always a kind of doubtness when I talk about the (emotional) abuse that took place @ home. It feels so cereal. I notice the signs you describe, doubting yourself, doubting your memories and your sanity. At the same time it's a sort of addictiveness that thrives me to my parents. Find it very difficult to my own parent and take care of myself and not give this responsibility to others.

    • Dennis Proulx
      Dennis Proulx 18 gün önce

      Kati Morton workplace! Many years abuse by one woman. Several bosses too. Baiting is common with these sociopaths too! It’s when they yell at me constantly. Yet when I speak up ( in a reasonable way), they call EEO saying I’m “creating a hostile work place”. If you have a website, I’ll provide examples. Excellent work Ms Morton, thank you.

    • Olivia Beille
      Olivia Beille 22 gün önce

      Yes, my mom raised me using gaslighting on me pretty much all the time. So now I'm everything you've said, doubting myself all the time.

    • Heather Lee
      Heather Lee Aylar önce

      After the birth of my son (trauma) I had some memory problems. I had a feeling my husband was doing this and then I busted him doing it thinking I couldn’t remember anything instead of lapses. It was so cruel I was disabled and bed ridden. So so mean.

    • Darin Ess
      Darin Ess Aylar önce

      Can narcissist or child abusers use gaslighting

  • Ace of Goats
    Ace of Goats 5 saatler önce

    Im watching this alone in my apartment and a "holy f*ck!" just shot out of my mouth because you are describing my in my previous relationship. I knew it was bad and likely even abusive in a way, but I was still surprised when you were talking about defending their behaviour and thinking things like "I don't want anybody to find out because then they'll think badly of them and they're such a nice person..." That's something I've said so many times. I"m still holding in terrible things because all of my coworkers are friends of hers (since she got me the job their). Even though she's gone I don't talk about her because I don't want to damage her friendship with them. But damn, this video is really cutting through some fog. I'll have to come back to this again soon. Thank you!!!!

  • Yabba Gabba
    Yabba Gabba 7 gün önce

    I dont know what my bf is. Its scaring me

  • Sarah Shaw
    Sarah Shaw 15 gün önce

    Kati I just want to say I’m grateful that I found your channel and this video about gaslighting resonates so much with me. At 30 I became physically disabled and one of the things about having a disability is that people interpret physical frailties as mental defects or weaknesses. I have had to put up with even systematized gas-lighting by police and doctors and social workers. Your videos are helping me recognize that I’m smarter and stronger than I knew. I have been able to prevent people crossing my boundaries and I kicked an entire toxic family out of my life after my divorce. I’m never putting up with emotional abuse again and every time I watch and listen to one of your videos I learn some new things to help.
    Thanks so much for what you’re doing. It’s a huge help. Don’t get me wrong I love therapy but it’s very expensive and sometimes we get stuck with a bad therapist. I just fired one who was doing all the no-no’s you described in another video about how to recognize you have a bad therapist. This is all hugely valuable to me and others!
    Please keep up the amazing work.
    Sally in Thornhill Ontario

  • Lady Uwaki
    Lady Uwaki 17 gün önce

    Is it at all possible a third party can be gaslighting you to believe that someone else is doing the gaslighting? Also how do you know if you are the one doing the gaslighting?

  • NatureShorts
    NatureShorts 20 gün önce

    I would encourage everyone to take gaslighting very seriously and not throw the term around lightly. I've seen this word used far more than it should be. Two people having different opinions, perspectives, or even recollections about something is not gaslighting. Gaslighting has to have the motivation of manipulation behind it and is ultimately about making the other person question/doubt his or her sanity. Remember the origin of the word is from a movie in which a man would literally move things around the house for the sole purpose of making he his wife go insane. That is far more extreme than many of the things I've seen and heard people apply this word to.

  • Chen Reed
    Chen Reed 23 gün önce

    No!!!! :>

  • Agne Martinkute
    Agne Martinkute Aylar önce

    My mom is a narcissist, so I question everything in my life...

  • Mary Kincaid
    Mary Kincaid Aylar önce

    I get this at home and by a co-worker.....

  • Astrid Morales
    Astrid Morales Aylar önce

    100% described my marriage...and I'm currently in the process of divorce. Thank the Lord im of strong mind and soul and am moving past it.

  • Jodi H
    Jodi H Aylar önce

    My narcissist mom was awesome at gas lighting. When I learned this was a thing I was like I knew I wasn’t crazy. I was so mad.

  • Cj Kucharczyk
    Cj Kucharczyk Aylar önce

    My dad gaslights me everytime we talk

  • Tea in the Moment
    Tea in the Moment Aylar önce

    My toxic and abusive family told me I had a bad memory from the time I was a teenager until the time I went No Contact with them. No one else BUT my family *ever* told me my memory was bad in either my professional or personal life!!!

  • Rob Garcia
    Rob Garcia Aylar önce

    Yes it has, my wife tries to change what she did years past, saying it just didn't happen. She tries to make me think that im crazy, it just hurt to much to be able to forget exactly how things really happened. If anything I feel sorry for her because what she did was so terrible that even she tries to change it in her mind. Wish I could just leave and put this 26 year marriage to an end, something stops me I dont what it is morality, principal, religion, dont know. Any comments welcomed.

  • i love pink roses
    i love pink roses Aylar önce

    I feel this way all the time. Every single one of those things is what I felt in my past relationship, it's different than having different opinion, because it wasn't that. He said facts and mine were wrong. My hurt, tears, etc was wrong. I'm healing and out but still doubt everything. Thank you for your videos! It helps, it truly helps. I don't have confidence to go to a therapist.

  • Gaby M
    Gaby M Aylar önce

    Oh jeez... the more I learn about my sister and her malignant narcissism and how it affected me growing up... all the pieces are coming together.

  • Love Law
    Love Law Aylar önce

    My parents used to abuse me as a child and then used gaslighting to keep me from reporting them or telling anyone - or maybe they just wanted to convince themselves they weren't the bad guys. Anyway if I told them for example that a specific thing they said or did really hurt me they would deny ever saying it and get really angry. This type of behavior is destructive to a child. I remember questioning my own sanity and memory. It's horrible.

    SAIVSS Aylar önce

    omg this is my brother and my mom totally "protects" him and tries to come up with excuses for him lol

  • AudieJane
    AudieJane Aylar önce

    My mom unintentionally gaslights me. I take care of her affairs due to her disability and i "never do anything right" and I am "hateful because you never talk to your father, and you want to ruin my life" her words. As someone who has given up everything to make sure she doesn't end up homeless, this makes me feel like a failure in every aspect of my life. My mom was recently diagnosed with vascular dementia and her doctor is about to diagnose her with borderline personality disorder. She lives in a nursing home because her care is beyond me or home health, and she goes in for a neuropsych evaluation soon. Her doctor told me it would be healthier for me to just walk away and that I don't have to be in her life and I don't need to consent to her behavior. If the neuropsych determines she needs a guardian or conservator, then I told the doctor I will give up my power of attorney. Ive called the suicide hotline because of the things my mom has said to me. I find it very difficult to recognize it's the disease talking not her.

  • roxxyfoxify
    roxxyfoxify Aylar önce

    My ex did this to me, but I think he was unaware. Funnily enough, he used to tell me how his mom’s exboyfriend used to gaslight her. He made me question if I was in the wrong all the time. He’d disregard me totally and do whatever he wanted, never bothering to communicate. When I’d get upset, he’d accuse me of being smothering and unfair. It really started to mess with me. Thankfully he finally did enough to the point where I just ended the relationship.

  • Jerry Morgan JR
    Jerry Morgan JR Aylar önce

    The father of my Girlfriends children persuaded her into leaving me. He's a drug addict so he's super manipulative. We had a perfect relationship. Literally a perfect match. I some had problems with depression before this happened. Now I'm a wreck. I lost the ones I cared for more than anything. There's nothing I can do to fix it.

  • Santo rosquilla
    Santo rosquilla Aylar önce

    What if it’s my family?

  • krystal galindo
    krystal galindo 2 aylar önce

    I kind of had an idea that my ex gas lighted me when the relationship ended but this is confirming how I felt during that time because I stopped trusting myself and I felt like I second guessed everything I did like you said in this video, I also defended him when people would say things to me about him on why I should not be with him; but I never listened. Thank you so much for sharing this video with everyone because you are truly helping people like me that thought everything they did was never right and truly made me believe that I was crazy so I want to thank you for that 😊.

  • everybodylovesdevin
    everybodylovesdevin 2 aylar önce

    My boyfriend tries to gaslight me when I'm getting my period.

  • Dakota Reign Carter
    Dakota Reign Carter 2 aylar önce

    I freaking love the headspace app. Meditation helps a lot

  • Haley Gurr
    Haley Gurr 2 aylar önce

    I know this video is older, but this explains my dad. I have moved out, live on my own, have been in therapy, and have gotten a lot of healing in my relationship with my dad. But I have 2 younger siblings that live with him, and when I am home it is extremely difficult to not get involved with arguments between them when he gets upset at them and basically brick by brick tears at their self confidence, their personality, and show them how they are always wrong. It reminds me of when I was at home I would mentally turn off when my dad was lecturing/yelling at me. The reason I have a better relationship with my dad today is because I had a nervous breakdown, had to get on meds, and my dad was pulled into therapy with me. Also I moved away and he has come to respect my independence and my healing from my trauma and he is aware of how he talks to me. But it's so hard to see how he treats my siblings. I've come to learn it's not my place to get in the middle of an argument, but I try what I can to be there emotionally for my siblings and let them know I understand, I love them, and that it will get better. I'm scared, though, that how my dad (who I love) treats them when he's mad is going to push them away from him and even me

  • Stephen Zen Let's Play
    Stephen Zen Let's Play 2 aylar önce

    [Confidential Comment]

  • Amanda Holliday
    Amanda Holliday 2 aylar önce

    I was married to someone who I’m certain is a narcissist and who gaslighted me daily. It’s so hard when you’re in it because you trust and love this person and you believe what you’re being told. It wasn’t until I had my daughter that I “woke up” and realized what had been happening. It has been three years since I got divorced and there are times I still struggle with overcoming what I’d been told and then what I began to believe. The best thing I could have done was to remove him from my life... but it was also the scariest due to the consistent emotional abuse. Sharing my story helps at times and I thank you, Kati for making these videos and sharing tips to help me to continue to learn and grow. ❤️

  • AMelia Bedelia
    AMelia Bedelia 2 aylar önce

    Whoa. I was in an abusive relationship. I knew what he was doing was bad and manipulative but I had no idea there was a word for it. It’s been a little over a year since it ended and I’m still dealing with that relationship aftermath. Just knowing what to call what he did (and what others have done to me, honestly) makes the next steps to heal so much easier and a whole lot less scary. Thank you you. This is not the first video I’ve seen of your that has helped me put word to the way I feel. ❤️

  • assia zitouni
    assia zitouni 2 aylar önce

    soo all the signs aply to me perfectly ! i've been gaslated by my narcisstic mother my hole life !

  • zain
    zain 2 aylar önce

    I have a kink for this. Me being confused and used by a women during sex is hot.
    But outside that context it sounds awful :(

  • Mary Sheldon
    Mary Sheldon 2 aylar önce

    I am a mental health advocate and work to gain serviced for people with SMI who are houseless... So familiar with gaslighting.

  • UNCfootballgirlygirl
    UNCfootballgirlygirl 2 aylar önce

    My ex gaslighted me all the time. He would make me feel crazy and that everything is my fault. I thought that I didn’t have a choice other than to be with him. I felt so trapped. I felt like I was always walking on eggshells. He made me feel that nobody else would ever love me. I’m so glad I was able to get out of the relationship.

  • Axel Grinder
    Axel Grinder 2 aylar önce

    Thank you so much for this. This helped me realize that the relationship I was in was emotionally abusive, I made excuses, questioned myself, and hated myself throughout most of the relationship. Every time I challenged her she found some sneaky way to guilt me into giving in. She would often use her mental illness as a way to make me feel bad about the stuff about I was questioning her about.

  • Michelle Smith
    Michelle Smith 2 aylar önce

    Whoa! I was being gas lighted. I realize that now.

  • bodichitta mommy
    bodichitta mommy 2 aylar önce

    Kati you should watch Gaslight I think you would enjoy it. It’s a great film!

  • Sarah Akram
    Sarah Akram 2 aylar önce

    ammm.. I always second guess yourself .. I have many years ago had psychosis .. and i still take medication.. and i always second guess yourself i don't trust my memory and so on .. i am not sure if it is a bad thing ..

  • Jake Olague
    Jake Olague 2 aylar önce

    My gfs mom does this to her

  • Paget Vido
    Paget Vido 2 aylar önce

    Since when was questioning your opinions a sign of abuse? Most of our perceptions about the world are inaccurate to a degree, it's arrogant to see common sense self-questioning as insulting or abusive. How else do we reconcile our different views?

  • Myrna Metaphor
    Myrna Metaphor 2 aylar önce

    She is definitely wearing a white and yellow shirt

  • david le
    david le 2 aylar önce

    but why why someone get gas lighted ? i lost .

  • raeannel
    raeannel 2 aylar önce

    What if someone has accussed you of gaslighting? Now I have no idea if I am, or they are, the gaslighter. I'm so confused.

  • Dawn Bushman
    Dawn Bushman 2 aylar önce

    This happened with a coworker with narcissistic personality disorder. Thankfully they were not in the same department as where I worked, we shared the same lunch hour. The attacks were awful and done in front of others, so I went to my boss and requested to have my lunch hour moved to a different time. I did not confront this person as I had looked up other therapists on TRclips who said you don’t want to have a nasty confrontation with a narcissist, just cut your losses and leave. That’s what I did. Then others started moving their lunch break times to different times as well to avoid this person. I did mention the narcissistic behavior to my boss, so I don’t know if HR was notified, but my lunch breaks have felt peaceful since the move and this person recently left the organization.

  • Ali E
    Ali E 2 aylar önce

    you really great person and who really doing such a positive impact in life.
    thank you!

  • Mya Farris
    Mya Farris 2 aylar önce

    I was in a relationship with a narcissist and was not aware until after. I did alot of research..I knew that I was unhappy but I could never figure out why. And I went through a lot of gaslighting. To the point where it made me question reality. Like I knew what the truth was but it was to the point where he tried to make me question the truth. Like he tried to manipulate me and play with my emotions to keep me around after I started to catch on.

  • Lisbeth Escobar
    Lisbeth Escobar 2 aylar önce

    How to get of this person when that person is my mother??

  • Rachel Maldonado
    Rachel Maldonado 2 aylar önce

    Thank you so much for your channel. 💖✨🌷

    • Kati Morton
      Kati Morton  2 aylar önce +1

      Thank you for the message 😘😘

  • bugged. owl
    bugged. owl 2 aylar önce

    I have been gaslighted for 7 years. After that i suffered severe ptsd, i still have anxiety attacks 3 years after that and cant relate to anything i do or see.

  • hippievision
    hippievision 2 aylar önce

    This has definitely happened to me. An ex of mine used to use my history of depression and anxiety against me. If they did something that rightfully upset me, they'd call me crazy and manipulate the conversation to the point where I'd end up apologizing. It wasn't until I got out of the relationship that I actually realized what had been happening.

  • Pilbara Pilbara
    Pilbara Pilbara 2 aylar önce

    Crap I’m just getting across this I’ve been discarded very recently and 16 years has changed me beyond my imagination like head shy dog finally started digging
    This so complicated I’m naturally resistant but I’ve definitely got big dents EIFP personality type apparently?
    But I’ve watched 3 of your videos looking back this comes from maybe a whole family I was involved with!
    Anyway it def putting pieces of the jigsaw together and that is a huge step

  • David Santana
    David Santana 2 aylar önce

    Was that a J Dilla beat in the beginning?

    I love you

  • David Benson
    David Benson 2 aylar önce

    Woh reduce brightness

  • Comfort Lining-Thermoplastic Denture Adhesive

    OMG yes! I always feel like I am second guessing myself with my ex husband. He always does this to me.

  • Yala Sapphire
    Yala Sapphire 2 aylar önce

    I'm in a psychiatric hospital because of depression resulting from gaslighting. But the terrible thing is that the supervising docktor did the same to me. He toald me that the bad things the staff had said and the reasen i reacted so porly to when they didn't folow the ruels was becaus im autistic and cant handel changes in my rutine. When i askt to be transferd to a different ward he toald me that it would be useless becaus i would hate every plase as bad becaus thats just the way i am. Evetually i was transferred and the new plase is much better and i dont hate it like he said i would. I need to add that im not formaly diagnosed whith autism and have no problem whith change. He made me doubt myself alot. I meen hes a doctor and im the crasy persen, of corse its me hows wrong. But the staff in the new place say that they dont think its just me and that its strange of him to say so. Im realy mad at him becus he made me feel like everything that happend to me in my first gaslighting relationship was just my experience and not reality. like im just a cry baby who likes to think the worst of people. now i need to know, was he wrong to say what he said or is that one of those things that just happends?

  • Lynn Mccoy
    Lynn Mccoy 2 aylar önce

    I know without a doubt this is occurring in my life. It's been going on for YEARS! I have nobody to turn to. My abuser manipulated the police, courts, and even my own family. He broke my back and 6 ribs and I was denied when I tried pressing charges on him. He destroyed me in every aspect in my life. I pray for someone to take notice and would step in to save me.

  • Sarah Z
    Sarah Z 3 aylar önce

    My mom has made me believe that I NEEDED her 24/7. Making my lunch into college, laundry, saying that others would not be able to stand to live with me so I had to stay home. She was extremely angry when I suddenly decided to leave one day. I left and never went back!! Sooo soo happy I got out of that situation. I am 31 and finally feel I can live on my own.
    I always defend my mom since she gets so freaking upset over everything. She makes me feel guilty about how I make her feel all the time. Also demanding she do things her way and only her way. Only one right way to do things and it’s her way or no way. I can’t do anything the right way.
    I feel like sometimes I do this to my boyfriend now since I was around it so much growing up. This is great knowledge so I can change as well.

  • DrummerGrrrl
    DrummerGrrrl 3 aylar önce

    My first abuser took me to a psychotherapist so that the psychotherapist would get ME to stop annoying my abuser so that my abuser (girlfriend) would stop beating me up! God, this post reads like a really weird Lifetime Original story! Anyway, by the second or third therapy session, our therapist called me on the phone and suggested that I see her alone, without girlfriend/abuser. Abuser/girlfriend did NOT like that and accused the two of us of conspiring against her...long story...wait for the movie! ;-)
    Or, continue reading below...I DID leave my girlfriend...but got into one more abusive relationship before I finally got smart.

  • DrummerGrrrl
    DrummerGrrrl 3 aylar önce

    Oh, boy, did this video bring back some memories of TWO abusive relationships I was in. Both women tried to drive me crazy. I just recently found out the first abuser died as a result of being attacked at her job in an emergency room. She was a nurse. When I learned that she had died and how, I felt an instant of sorrow for her and then thought, "Yeah, she tried to kill me, set me on fire, throw me down a flight of stairs...and then someone attacked HER! Karma is a real bitch, ain't it?!". I don't know if my other abuser is still alive. Last time I saw her she was going to school to be...get this...a drug and alcohol counselor ( who used drugs!). When I left her, she said, "If I ever find out where you moved to, I will kill you!". Then she laughed and said she was joking. Some joke!

  • Amina Ait Oumeziane
    Amina Ait Oumeziane 3 aylar önce

    Can a parent gaslights you?

  • Eunice Immortalis
    Eunice Immortalis 3 aylar önce

    My mom does that with every single thing 24/7 ! I wish i could get help ..as all this is completely disabling me , i've no way out , it's KILLING! Need more therapists like you Kati ..you're amazing .

  • czr7j9
    czr7j9 3 aylar önce

    what if your work with the person, need to keep my job.

  • power house
    power house 3 aylar önce

    Hi Kati. I recently subscribed to your channel. I work as a therapist as well. I think that your channel is great and informative. I wanted to ask. When discussing gaslighting you mentioned that when someone excessively "second guesses" themselves and is repeatedly unsure of their memories or how past events unfolded means they are in an abusive, gaslighting relationship but what if the person is unstable and disoriented or simply has an altered mental status? Wouldn't they exhibit these same symptoms?

  • Jeff Valentine
    Jeff Valentine 3 aylar önce

    “Kinions!” Oh Mylanta I love that lol. Proud to be a Kinion! Your videos have been SO helpful with my trauma recovery (PTSD from years of abuse) as well as my other mental health disorders. You have helped me complete my trauma counseling, which just happened yesterday. I have learned a lot from you. Your videos are helping thousands, if not millions.

  • Thamilini
    Thamilini 3 aylar önce

    According to your videos, I have Severe Anxiety Attacks, very sure I have Severe Depression and am being Gaslighted.

  • Emma Louise
    Emma Louise 3 aylar önce

    I really wish I'd found your channel after I left my first relationship, I wouldn't have made so many mistakes during the months following the messy break up. I was such a mess, I blamed myself, I wondered what I could've done differently. I have healed since I left him but there are still moments of self-doubt and I'm trying to get to a point where I feel comfortable with myself. I'm better than I was but I feel I still have a little ways to go

  • Kaitlin Orr
    Kaitlin Orr 3 aylar önce

    What if it's your mum that's gaslighting you?? I think my mum is doing this to me accidently but I'm not sure...

  • Steph Devorah
    Steph Devorah 3 aylar önce

    Can you be gaslighted/ emotionally abused if this weren’t in a close relationship? (E.g. Familial, romantic or friend relationship)

  • Rozalind Sue
    Rozalind Sue 4 aylar önce

    I was gas lighted for 3 years. It almost killed me. I thought he was my twin flame. I’m so broken down. I have a lot of healing to do. Thanks for making this. I found a Narcissist survivors group on Reddit.

  • OriginalTharios
    OriginalTharios 4 aylar önce

    Cool...so what do I do if she has full custody of our sons? I'm not going to simply leave them solely to her whims, but there doesn't seem to be a practical way to also avoid her in that context.

  • totorotally dawson
    totorotally dawson 4 aylar önce

    Well shit...I'm in this situation now haha

  • james catt
    james catt 4 aylar önce

    I sit possible that a person could be gas lighting so one with out being aware they are doing it ?

  • Bonnie Hunt
    Bonnie Hunt 4 aylar önce

    I was married 28 years. It took my "very together" husband's drinking to make me call it quits. After he moved out I realized the abuse I had been dealt. I knew he made me feel frustrated and bad but couldn't put a finger on how. He was always right. I was told by a therapist that I second guessed myself a lot. I wonder why none of the different therapists I saw through the years didn't suggest gas lighting etc. I am angry at them. Our kids and I suffered for so long! Even now I tend to blame his narcissistic mom because he seems so nice. He is nicer to me after the divorce. One instance that stood out was when he came over and was helping me lay new flooring. He went outside to cut trim. While doing this he knocked over a a/c vent I had spray painted. He came in and said "you are going to be angry at me! I messed up your wet paint! I'm sorry!" I was shocked! What he would have done before the divorce was to storm inside angry and yell at me for leaving the vent nearby to be knocked over! Now that he is out of my house it is a much happier and stress free place. I allow him over to visit because we have 2 grown kids still with me (one is physically handicapped, the other anxious) but I can deal with him. He likes to comment on things I buy and makes me uncomfortable but I am working on it. He poo pooed my claim of mental abuse in the divorce. I wonder if he really doesn't know what he is doing.

  • William Long
    William Long 4 aylar önce +1

    Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation in which a person is coerced Into questioning their own sense of reality and what actually happened in a sequence of events. For example a person might make someone seem inferior and force them to say something they do not mean and have them second guessing themselves. It’s a horrible practice used by narcissists and other cluster b personality traits.

    BIOSHOCKFOXX 4 aylar önce

    ...It's when you gas people in chambers and light them up. :D black/dark humor, all cool.

  • Jesse Coletta
    Jesse Coletta 4 aylar önce

    Hi Kati,
    I'd be really interested to see a revisit of this in regards to professional/familial power roles i.e. bosses parents.

  • tom Meadows
    tom Meadows 4 aylar önce

    I love your channel. It brings so much clarity to my mind.

  • Mya. E
    Mya. E 4 aylar önce

    This has happend to me for years. Every....Single......Day. It’s extremely damaging and exhausting to cope with. I didn’t know there was an actual term for what was happening to me. Thank you for the video!!

  • Zoe Brow
    Zoe Brow 4 aylar önce

    oh my goodness I disassociated at least 4 times during this videos I had to watch it 3 times.. oh boy..

  • Jon Beaudry
    Jon Beaudry 5 aylar önce

    Kati, you are very articulate and have a good screen presence. I do want to correct you: the term “gaslighting” comes from a period of time before electric lighting and houses were illuminated by gas lights plumbed into the home. The control valve was outside the house and people would change the gas pressure to change the light intensity in the home. So “gaslighting” was the act of changing the lighting in someone else’s home to confuse them, scare them, or generally make them feel crazy.

  • Arkk
    Arkk 5 aylar önce

    Wow I cried so much watching this video. My mother has been doing this to me for years and I love her so much that I never wanted to accept that this is the kind of person she has been to me. My experience is valid, my feelings are valid. Thank you for posting this. It’s very healing and makes me feel a little bit of optimism in this challenging time.

  • jamesmegill
    jamesmegill 5 aylar önce

    Sounds like everyone I've ever met everywhere in the world. Another normal human behavior 🍕🍕🍕

  • Nick Davis
    Nick Davis 5 aylar önce

    Can you gaslight yourself?

  • Taco Platter
    Taco Platter 5 aylar önce

    I thought gas-lighting was a term used when the furnace was out :(

  • Love, Amy.
    Love, Amy. 5 aylar önce

    Could you do a video on how it feels to be gaslighted by your parent?

  • Genesis Gates
    Genesis Gates 5 aylar önce

    This was really great information!

  • E. Rock Freedom
    E. Rock Freedom 5 aylar önce

    thank you so much Kati. You are fantastic, and i just discovered you. I won't get into my situation right now because quite honestly I'm too tired from it just happening... Depleted emotionally physically. That being said I wanted to express my appreciation for you and hope that you know once I'm ready I can reach out to you with questions communicate with you. I would love to find a therapist that is knowledgeable about this stuff but I don't know how to narrow that down with New York Medicaid do you know what I mean?
    I think it's often glossed over or not known but this needs to be talked about... and I know this from being around a lot and so on drug use someone's gay men and toxic abuse is there any correlation do you guys notice anything about that? If not I really love it if mental health practitioners branched out and learned about it because it's like you said pervasive and so hurtful. That's part of my story - love bombed with drugs, going no contact with a narcissist but then feeling all this intense emotional pain even for my childhood... Memories that just occurred to me... Resentment and hatred for they were... It's hard to let this go especially as I'm just learning about it but... I don't know I can go on and on and on. Thank you and I will be in touch

  • Faye Wareing
    Faye Wareing 5 aylar önce

    What should you do if someone makes you feel this way from past actions but tells you otherwise? Like criticizes every decision/ action until you doubt yourself but then tells you how bad it is that you can't make any decisions alone...

  • BoYee - ibelieveinloveagain.com

    INCREDIBLY HELPFUL TO ME!! Thank you soooooo muuuuch!!! ✨💞✨💞✨💞✨

  • Jane Don't
    Jane Don't 5 aylar önce

    What do you do if you've been gaslit by a former roommate who has basically treated you like trash b/c she is only capable of playing the victim card?

  • Frederic Moresmau
    Frederic Moresmau 5 aylar önce

    thats exactly what they did, she bounced on half Augsburg and munich and berlin population, and then she and her friends made me believe it wasnt so.

  • Katie Morales
    Katie Morales 5 aylar önce

    You're voice is so soothing I don't mind listening to you at 4 in the morning....Great therapy!

  • Law Jackson
    Law Jackson 5 aylar önce

    What if it’s my mom who’s doing this to me? I’m an adult but I do have a disability. The only person who helps me is my mom. But this is exactly what she’s doing to me! She refuses all boundaries I’ve tried to impose. She took my house keys and made herself a copy without telling me. So she can just walk right in now. She walked around my complex and got my neighbors phone numbers so if I don’t answer all 3-5 phone calls, texts and Facebook messages each day, she calls them and they come over to tell me to call her. And she had me convinced I was losing my memory because I couldn’t find things in my house but she failed to tell me she cleaned out my closets and rearranged my things. I just didn’t know where she put everything! Oh there’s much more. But I have no friends and I have no family near me. I’ve tried to tell her I need time to myself but she only lasts about 2 days before she’s back again. I don’t have the means nor is my physical health good enough to move away. I do live about 45 minutes from her. Doesn’t matter. I’m never right.

  • whoknows
    whoknows 5 aylar önce

    Just 5 months ago all this gaslighting and crazy stuff came to a head when my wife was finally convinced to leave me. It was one of those things where her 1st husband wanted her back after having gone through 11 wives since 1980, so my wife would be his 1st wife and now his 12th wife...go figger!
    One tactic this guy used was to promise to pay her back for all the child support he owed her, a lie but effective, I recall her telling me he did make one payment of $200.00. There were many things that were done to me between the two of them and I was told that I was just imagining things, it took me a while to convince myself that I was not going full dementia.
    To crown his achievement of having conquered me he convinced my wife to simply go to her usual hair appointment and simply never return home. Nice people don't you think?
    A weird part of this whole thing is I never had a clue, trusted my wife because she hated him for years and I did not consider "Snake Charmer" to be a threat. Weird all around and what really bothers me is she was just delighted to see me when they came to get her stuff. "Hi honey", as she attempted to rush into my arms...I turned away and told her I'd be in the house while they loaded their stuff from the office I built her. Take those 22 years I wasted on you and shove it.

  • KA Boozle
    KA Boozle 5 aylar önce

    This really hits home. My mother does this constantly and I think she may have narcicistic personality disorder. I got so fed up with her (and life) that I left home in Europe to study in the US when I turned 18. Now, 30 years later and watching this things are falling into place. This, and a few of your other videos, will hopefully help me move forward instead of standing still or even moving backwards in life. Thank you!

  • The Redeemed
    The Redeemed 5 aylar önce

    This was my mom, my ex husband and my ex boyfriend. My ex husbands favorite was making me feel stupid, not exactly crazy but I began to feel small and unable to make good decisions. But my mom made me feel like a waste of space. I wonder though about my friend who is married to someone who does this, her mom is the same way and she tried to get distance but the rest of her family makes her feel guilty so she isn’t able to have good boundaries. But with her husband she is trying to be more aware of it but he’s still there, he’s a narcissist and she’s almost left a few times but they are both trying to make it work. I don’t know for sure if he’s still gaslighting her or not.

  • Sirley Ray
    Sirley Ray 5 aylar önce

    I like your videos. My older sister takes things I tell her from years ago and 35 years later, she tells her husband that it happened to her. I don't understand why she does this?

  • Mythical Being
    Mythical Being 5 aylar önce

    Gaslighting: The average psychotherapist's favorite hobby.

  • fidnys *
    fidnys * 5 aylar önce

    what if your therapist is making you feel that way??

  • *queenizzydeigh*
    *queenizzydeigh* 5 aylar önce

    What if you feel extremely guilty and would be condemned by other people in your life for leaving the relationship?

  • Mitchell McCreath
    Mitchell McCreath 6 aylar önce

    Thank you for this video AND your channel Kati. :)